Radical Acceptance

I don't think of myself as having a borderline personality disorder or being self-destructive in any way; although there are times when I'm sure my husband thinks I've lost my mind! But while at my "happy doctor" (lets call him "A.C." and I don't mean Anderson Cooper!) he read me a blurb from the book "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook" (try saying that three times fast!) and it really struck a nerve. I let Donald read the blurb and he found it very helpful as well. After all, we have both been wallowing in the "coulda, shoulda, woulda" world lately with the job change, the economic struggles, and health situations. The article describes the self-soothing skill of "Radical Acceptance" and I highly recommend that everyone try it. Below is just a sampling of the article:

Radical Acceptance

Often, when a person is in pain, his or her first reaction is to get angry or upset or to blame someone for causing the pain in the first place. But unfortunately, no matter who you blame for your distress, your pain still exists and you continue to suffer. In fact, in some cases, the angrier you get, the worse your pain will feel (Greenwood, Thurston, Rumble, Waters, & Keefe, 2003; Kerns, Rosenberg, & Jacob, 1994).

Getting angry or upset over a situation also stops you from seeing what is really happening. Have you ever heard the expression "being blinded by rage"? This often happens to people with overwhelming emotions. Criticizing yourself all the time or being overly judgmental of a situation is like wearing dark sunglasses indoors. By doing this, you're missing the details and not seeing everything that is as it really is. By getting angry and thinking that a situations should never have happened, you're missing the point that it did happen and that you have to deal with it.

The article goes on to explain the following:

Keep in mind that radical acceptance does not mean that you condone or agree with bad ehavior in others. But it does mean that you stop trying to change what's happened by getting angry and blaming the situtation. For example, if you're in an abusive relationship and you need to get out, then get out. Don't waste your time and continue to suffer by blaming yourself or the other person. That won't help you. Refocus your attention on what you can do now. This will allow you to think more clearly and figure out a better way to cope with your suffering.

Thank you for allowing me to share my therapy. I hope I've entertained and helped you in some way. Next time, let's have a little talk about tweetle beetles....just joking, that's a line from a Dr. Seuss book. :-)